


The Writer's Room

by randomizer



Category: Good Wife (TV), Good Wife RPF
Genre: 5 Things, F/F, Metafiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-17
Updated: 2012-12-17
Packaged: 2017-11-21 09:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/596088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomizer/pseuds/randomizer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Going There" with Kalicia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Writer's Room

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TrisB](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrisB/gifts).



> This work is the product of my first Yuletide, and it's also my first foray into the world of RPF. I know that it's a little offbeat, and I hope my recipient is feeling indulgent. (I'd consider it a riff on the "5 Things" fanfic trope, except for the fact that it's really six or seven things, depending on how you count.) If members of the Good Wife writing team genuinely *are* closet fanfic readers and should happen to come across this story, my sincere apologies for assigning them personalities and motivations based on very little. And a zillion thanks to both [Black_Knight](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Knight/pseuds/Black_Knight) and [schwarmerei1](http://archiveofourown.org/users/schwarmerei1/pseuds/schwarmerei1) for offering incredibly helpful comments that made this fic a lot better than it would have been otherwise.
> 
> Spoilers through 4.10.

Answering the knock on her apartment door, Kalinda is startled to see Alicia standing in the hallway with an unreadable expression. “Alicia? What’s wrong?” 

Alicia looks at her. Without a word, she touches Kalinda’s face, then bends down and kisses her softly. Kalinda kisses her back reflexively and then pulls away. The two stare at each other without saying anything at all.

“Are you sure?” Kalinda can barely speak.

Alicia nods. “I am.” At Kalinda’s slight motion, Alicia follows her into the gleaming white room.

 

**§§§**

_Robert sighs. That scene won’t happen on the show for a good long while. Somehow he needs to get from where Alicia and Kalinda are in the story now to that first passionate kiss, and he knows that won’t be easy. Things haven’t gone well this season. Robert is tired, exhausted with the bone-weariness of creating something that, in the end, just never comes together the way it had in his imagination. The backlash over Nick from fans and television critics alike, and the endless network notes because of it, has gotten to him. (He and Michelle always take these notes seriously, doing their best to play ball as cheerfully as possible. Bigger fights are coming, and the last thing they want to do is to cash in all their good will chips so early in the game.) The Fifty Shades bits that they had thought such a fascinating way to view Kalinda had fallen flat, and ending Nick’s arc early had caused some editing awkwardnesses that still make him wince. He’d never encountered such hostility on the Internet before: Cary fans up in arms because Cary had been forced to become even more of a plot device than usual; Kalinda fans angry because they’d never understood why Kalinda had been attracted to Nick in the first place; everyone furious that Alicia hadn’t done enough to get Nick out of Kalinda’s life sooner. Nobody got what they had been trying to do, and (truth be told) Robert can’t really blame them. What had come out on the screen bore little resemblance to what he had originally envisioned._

_But through all of that, the most important part of the storyline had remained strong and steady: Nick all but told the audience outright that Alicia is the love of Kalinda’s life. Underneath the freaky sex and power games, Nick’s purpose in the story had always been simple: to let Kalinda’s epic, single-minded love for Alicia bubble to the surface, available to more of the mainstream audience than it had been in seasons past. (The other day he’d read a tweet that had made him smile, made him think that everything might be worth it after all: “Are they ever gonna acknowledge that Kalinda is madly in love with Alicia or is this gonna remain a thing we're not supposed to notice?”) There is much that he regrets about the Nick storyline, particularly how poor Marc—a great guy, a fine actor--had crossed an ocean only to become the 2012 television season’s most universally reviled character on a network drama. And there are certainly changes that he would make to the show as a whole if he could; he is the first to admit that the pacing of individual seasons could have been better. But for all of that, there is nothing he has ever regretted about how Alicia and Kalinda’s relationship has ever been portrayed: not the fun of the first season; not breaking them apart; not their long, painful journey back to one another; not, most importantly, what is coming next. Whatever has gone wrong in the past, whatever they will mess up in the future, he and Michelle know that this will always be their one true thing: Alicia and Kalinda are the core romance of the show, the lens through which every other relationship is judged and seen. If_ The Good Wife _is remembered at all ten years from now, it will be because of them._

_And now the time has finally come for the next beat in their narrative, perhaps the biggest beat of all. Robert knows that he needs to stop wallowing, to stop sitting in the dark watching Kalicia bar scenes on loop and brooding about Nick, and get back to work to make that happen. He and Michelle have talked about Alicia and Kalinda endlessly since throwing the grenade into their relationship late in season two, but this will be an even bigger conversation than usual. “What do you think? We need to do it by the end of the season, don’t we?”_

_She nods. “Fans are getting impatient about how much Alicia doesn’t know. Hell,_ I’m _getting impatient at how much Alicia doesn’t know!”_

 _He laughs. In addition to being the showrunners, he and Michelle are also_ The Good Wife’s _biggest fans. “Yeah, me too. But having Alicia find out how much Kalinda is in love with her is going to change everything. We need to tread carefully with this one.”_

_Michelle gives him a half-smile; she looks so much like Kalinda in that moment that Robert's heart flips over just a little. “You go first. How do you think we should get it done?”_

" _I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and here’s where I am: I think we really need to go big, go operatic on this one. What if Nick came back in the season finale . . . “_

 

**§§§**

It is late at night, and the parking garage is completely deserted. Alicia hurries to her car from the Lockhart Gardner elevator, keys in hand. She has just clicked “unlock” when he steps out of the shadows.

“Hello, Mrs. Florrick.” Although she has not heard it for months, she recognizes his voice even before she sees his face. 

“Mr. Saverese. Back in town?” She tries to ignore her pounding heart and wonders if Kalinda is still in the office upstairs.

“Just here to finish up a little . . . business.”

“You’re no longer a Lockhart Gardner client. We don’t need to talk about your business.”

“Oh, I think we do.” He inches closer to her, and she clutches at the door handle of her car. “So where is she?”

She knows exactly who he means, but she forces her face into even more of an impassive mask than usual. “Who?”

“You know who.”

It occurs to Alicia, through what seems to be a dark haze, that she might be in real trouble here. ( _Is he dangerous_?) She wonders if she is supposed to scream. 

Suddenly, inexplicably, Kalinda is there in the parking garage. Her voice is more deadly than anything Alicia has ever heard before. “Get away from her, Nick.”

He smiles, his voice practically a purr. “Knew that’d bring you out. Your sixth sense and all that.”

“Alicia, get into your car and drive away.” Alicia suddenly realizes that Kalinda is holding a gun. She doesn’t move.

“I mean it, Alicia. Get in.” 

“Kalinda, don’t . . .”

Nick interrupts. “I figured it out, finally.” He is looking at Kalinda.

“Figured what out?” Kalinda speaks evenly, almost indifferently.

“It never was Lana. It never was Cary. It was always _her_.” Nick gestures toward Alicia, who suddenly sees that he has been holding a gun all of this time, a gun pointing directly at her now. She swallows, thinking about nothing at all.

“Shut up.” Alicia becomes terrifyingly aware that Kalinda, whom she has never seen afraid, is genuinely scared beneath that deadpan surface. The thought makes her heart lurch.

“She’s in love with you, you know.” Nick is addressing Alicia now. “What do you think about _that?_ Kind of pathetic, isn’t it?”

For some reason, this is the thing that starts echoing inside Alicia’s mind, making it difficult for her to concentrate on what she needs to do to survive. And because she can’t help it, she looks at Kalinda instead of Nick. She is startled to see that her hand holding the gun is shaking. For some reason, seeing that tremble gives Alicia her voice back. 

“I think you need to leave now, Mr. Savarese.” Alicia marvels to herself at how composed she sounds.

“And I think I need to teach her a lesson once and for all about just who she belongs with.”

Kalinda’s voice is shaking too. “Alicia, GET IN THE CAR!”

Three things happen almost simultaneously at her words: Nick lunges toward Alicia; Alicia catches Kalinda’s eye and sees things there that amaze her; and two shots are fired in quick succession.

It is all over in an instant. Nick is on the ground in front of Alicia’s car, blood spewing from his chest. Kalinda’s eyes are wide and huge. She and Alicia stare at each other, neither wanting to speak. 

 

**§§§**

_Michelle doesn’t say anything for a moment after Robert finishes. He studies her. “What do you think?”_

_She speaks carefully. “I think it’s . . . maybe just a little too . . . Shonda?”_

_Robert winces. He can’t believe she’d gone there. “Really? I thought . . .”_

_“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”_

_“No, you might be right. We’re really not that kind of a show, even if it’s sometimes fun to pretend that we are. And maybe going with a psycho Nick scenario would just send the fans into more paroxysms. Do you have an idea?”_

_She does. Michelle has always loved Kalinda’s messed-up dynamic with Lana, and she can’t get enough of Alicia and Lana’s jealous interactions over Kalinda. Jill Flint isn’t always available, so they can’t write Lana in as much as she would like them to. (Late at night, when Robert is asleep, Michelle sometimes reads_ [ _Kalinda/Lana fan fiction_ ](512686/chapters/904154) _. Reading fanfic is strictly against the rules, and she knows that Robert would be horrified at the idea, but Michelle is careful never to let any of those fic plots creep into the writer’s room.)_

_Michelle turns back to Robert now. “Well, what would happen if Lana caught sight of Kalinda and Alicia in a bar . . .”_

 

**§§§**

“One more.” Kalinda looks almost impish.

Alicia sighs. “We said one more . . . what . . . two ago? I have _children_.”

“You do?” Kalinda’s eyebrows waggle. “I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned that before now.”

Alicia snorts, finally breaking into outright laughter. “All right, one more. But this . . . is . . . _it_. Really!” She looks at Kalinda with a more relaxed expression than she’s had for anyone in a long, long time. “You’re really bad for me.”

Kalinda throws back her shot and sucks on her lime. She doesn’t answer, but her smile is real, and she watches Alicia as though there is nobody else in the crowded bar.

Alicia suddenly sees someone she recognizes across the room. She sighs. “It’s your FBI friend.”

Kalinda’s soft expression vanishes in a blink; she is immediately guarded and alert. “What? Lana?”

Alicia nods. “There.” But Lana has spotted the two of them and is coming over. “Kalinda. Fancy seeing you here. And Mrs. Florrick. I wouldn’t have thought you were a tequila girl.” Her eyes glint at Alicia.

Since this observation does not seem to require a response, Alicia fails to offer one. “Hello, Agent Delaney. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here before. Things a little slow for you at the FBI lately?”

Lana smirks, settling into the bar stool next to Kalinda. She has a scotch in her hand, definitely not her first one, and she ignores Alicia entirely.“So, Kalinda. I see.”

Kalinda measures her words carefully. “And what exactly do you see?”

Lana doesn’t answer, unexpectedly turning her attention to Alicia. “Did you know that Kalinda and I dated earlier this year? We did. Got dressed up and everything. Had dinner. You ought to see her in a dress.”

Alicia is confused, looking from Kalinda to Lana and wondering how to respond. Kalinda is staring at Lana with a withering, warning look. Lana is unfazed.

“The thing is, the whole time we were together, I thought I was just warming her up for someone else. I pretended she was into me, but she really, really wasn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” says Alicia, vaguely realizing that this is one of the silliest things that she’s ever said to anyone.

“You’re sorry,” Lana repeats, taking another sip of scotch. “The funny thing about that, Mrs. Florrick, is that Kalinda was actually in love with _you_ that whole time. You were the one I was warming her up for. How’s that for a punch line?”

Heat rushes to Alicia’s face. Lana is clearly drunk tonight, and she has always seemed unstable. But still . . . Alicia turns to look at Kalinda, who is staring into her drink. “Kalinda?” Alicia whispers the name, forgetting that Lana is next to her, forgetting that they are in a public place at all. When Kalinda meets her gaze, Alicia feels hot and cold all over at what she sees in her eyes. 

 

**§§§**

_Robert frowns a little. “It’s good, and I think the fans would love it—Lana and Alicia drunk and sniping at each other is just gold. But I don’t know . . . I just don’t think that Alicia would take what Lana said_ seriously _enough in that situation. We need her to pay attention to this reveal, not just write it off. Lana is a little crazy—how can anyone trust what she says? I just don’t see her as the truth-teller here.”_

 _Michelle sighs; she really loves her vision of that scene. But Robert is probably right. “Ok, yes. We definitely can’t risk anyone—Alicia_ or _the audience—writing something as important as this off as comedy. Let’s take it to the others and see what they have to say.”_

 _Later that day, Robert stands next to a white board in front of a conference table. He looks at the_ Good Wife _staff writers before turning to jot the following on the white board: ALICIA FINDS OUT. HOW??? They all stare at the words. This is a big one, and they’re a little surprised that Robert and Michelle are even bringing it to the whole group—they usually have a pretty clear idea about everything having to do with the Alicia/Kalinda relationship. Ted is the first to say anything._

_"I think we need to go pretty big, but let’s not rely on Nick for that—I think fans are happy to think that he’s gone forever. But, I dunno, what if Cary and Alicia were held hostage by a crazed client, and Kalinda was working with the S.W.A.T. team . . .”_

_The other writers guffaw. Ted used to write for_ [ _some series_ ](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nine_\(TV_series\)) _about a bunch of people held hostage in a bank that lasted for maybe ten episodes, but it seemed to have marked him for life—he always wants to do stories about hostage situations. He ignores them. He likes Cary—in fact, if you twisted his arm very hard and he’d had a few drinks, he’d admit to a fondness for Kalinda/Cary fan fiction (he’d never confess that to the others, of course—strictly against protocol, and a little girlie to boot). He’d been particularly struck by_ [ _one fic_ ](383328) _that had Cary telling Alicia that Kalinda was in love with her, and he thinks that the same dynamic could work for them on the show itself._

 _Robert frowns a little “I think we need to dial it down a notch or three. We don’t want to sound too . . ._ Shonda _.” Everyone nods immediately, and Michelle smiles quietly to herself. “But Cary isn’t a bad idea. Can you spin it another way, Ted?”_

_“I still like the hostage thing,” Ted mutters. “But yeah, there’s the elevator.”_

_"The_ elevator _?”_

 _“The Lockhart Gardner elevator has practically become a magical chamber of truth-telling on the show,” Ted continues, and everyone realizes that he’s right. “An emotional beat as important as this one really_ needs _to happen in that elevator. What if we had Cary and Alicia conveniently get stuck in there for awhile? It might be a cliché, but it’s one that we’ve completely earned. Here’s how it could go . . .”_

 

**§§§**

“It’ll take them about an hour to get us moving,” Cary says, pocketing his cell phone. “They said something about general trouble with the power relays.”

Alicia rolls her eyes. “That sounds like two hours if they’re saying one. At least we’re not due in court.”

“I’ve never actually been stuck in an elevator before. It sounds like one of those things that only happens in the movies or on television. You know, with women who are nine and a half months pregnant.”

Alicia thinks about that for a moment, how every single time anyone is stuck in an elevator on television something dramatic _has_ to occur. What they don’t tell you is that in real life the only thing that actually happens is crushing boredom.

“What are we supposed to do for an hour?”

Cary has already slid down to sit and rolled up his sleeves. “Well, I have Angry Birds on my iPhone. We can take turns playing it.”

“You have _what_ on your phone? When did phones stop being just phones?”

Cary laughs as Alicia slides down next to him. “It’s too bad neither of us has a flask of something on us.”

Alicia smiles. “I’ll make sure to add one to my briefcase after this.”

They are quiet for a moment, and then Cary speaks more seriously. “I’m glad to be back here.”

“Me, too. I mean, I’m glad to have you back.”

Cary smiles at her a little. “I liked Peter, and I liked working with him. I tried a lot of cases and learned some things about myself and the law. But it just wasn’t as _fun_ as it is here, you know? I mean, aside from getting pounded on by random client drug dealers, I’m really enjoying this year so far. It’s a lot like it was when we started.”

“You liked it back then, with our little competition and all? I actually thought that first year was basically awful.”

“No, I didn’t like _that_ , exactly. I liked working with you and Kalinda on cases. I thought we did pretty well together.”

Alicia thinks about that. “Yeah, we did. And you’re right—we _are_ doing that again now. It’s nice.”

Cary hesitates. “I’m glad that you and Kalinda are ok again.”

She looks at him sharply. It seems to be an unwritten Lockhart Gardner law that NOBODY ever mentions what had gone on between her and Kalinda, so much so that it’s shocking to hear Cary refer to it so baldly. “You knew about that?”

“I knew . . . some of it.” The way Cary says that suddenly makes Alicia certain that he knows about Kalinda and Peter. For some reason, this realization does not startle her as much as it probably should have. 

Alicia sighs. “I’m glad, too. I . . . missed her.” Alicia confesses this last part almost as a shameful secret. 

“She missed you, too.” At Alicia’s skeptical look, Cary presses on. “Really, Alicia. You have no idea how messed up she was about it.”

“I . . . have a difficult time ever figuring out what Kalinda is thinking.”

“Well, that isn’t all that hard. Usually she’s thinking about you.”

Alicia looks at him. “What do you mean?”

Cary hesitates, and she can see that he’s wondering whether to go on with this conversation. “The thing is, Alicia, I think . . . I’m pretty sure that Kalinda is in love with you.”

Alicia stares at him. “Cary, that’s . . . that’s crazy.”

Cary shakes his head. “No, it really isn’t.”

Images of the last three years of her life with Kalinda start to play through Alicia’s mind, faster and faster. She is numb, barely capable of a rational response. The only thing that floats into her mind is the vague thought that if this were a movie, this would certainly be the point at which the elevator would have to start up again.

 

**§§§**

_Robert writes “ELEVATOR—Cary” on the white board after Ted finishes. “Ok, that’s one idea. Anyone else? Meredith? What about you?”_

_Meredith hesitates a moment before speaking. “Well, to tell the truth, I wouldn’t mind doing something more with Zach . . .”_

_Leonard interrupts her. “You’ve been fixated on those kids ever since you wrote that_[ _CW thing_](http://www.deadline.com/2012) _. This isn’t_ Chicago 90210 _. Nobody likes Zach. He’s already way too much of a Mary Sue in the show. Can you really imagine him telling his mother about Kalinda? How would he even know about it?”_

 _Meredith glares at him. “He’d know because he’s observant, and he has a chance to see them together when he goes to L/G after school to work on the computers.” If Meredith were being honest with herself, she knows that the kernel of this idea came from a_ [ _bizarre fanfic_ ](275868/chapters/437183) _that she read the other night when she couldn’t sleep. But in that story, Zach had talked to Kalinda, not Alicia. This was different enough that she doesn’t feel guilty about the possible plagiarism. And she knows for a fact that none of the other writers would ever be caught dead reading fic, so nobody will ever make the connection._

_Now everyone groans in unison. “You mean in his spare time, when he isn’t solving all of the I.T. problems of the campaign singlehandedly?” Leonard doesn’t hate Zach quite as much as he hates Grace, but that isn’t saying much._

_“Shut up. Here’s what I think could work . . ._

 

**§§§**

Alicia knocks tentatively at Zach’s door. 

“Use yours!”

“Zach, it’s me.”

“Oh, sorry mom. I thought it was Grace. What do you need?”

“Nothing.” Alicia shifts uncomfortably. When exactly did it become so difficult to talk to her children? “I’m just checking in to see if you still have a pulse.”

Zach touches his jaw line and smiles. “Still pumping.”

She smiles at him. “Good. And thanks for helping out at work today. I don’t know when I.T. would have installed that program on my computer if you hadn’t been around to do it.”

“No problem. I like helping out there.”

“I saw Kalinda talking to you after you were done with me.” She says it as a statement, but Zach seems to know that it’s really a question.

“Yeah. She had some new software that she thought I’d want to see.” Zach flushes. He _did_ think the surveillance software was pretty cool, and seeing Kalinda was always . . .

Alicia nods. Huh. It surprises her that Kalinda would pay any attention to one of her children, or even genuinely realize that she _has_ children. “That’s nice. By the way, she and I are going out for drinks tomorrow night, so I’ll be home a little late.”

Zach looks at her. “Mom? Is Kalinda . . . I mean, she’s into women, right?”

Alicia gapes at him. “Zach! Why are you asking me that? Why would it matter if she were?”

Zach hesitates, wondering why on earth he has brought this subject up with his mother in the first place. “I don’t know. I’ve just kind of gotten the impression . . . that she likes you.”

“Well, of course she likes me. We’re friends.” Alicia suddenly feels heat on her cheeks, knows she’s showing something that she does not want Zach to see. She wills herself back to her typical mask. 

Zach isn’t looking at her, but he continues nonetheless. “That day that she found Grace . . .”

“Yes?”

“I could tell that it was just about killing her that you were freaking out like that. She just had this _look_ . . . I don’t know. I think she really might be . . .”

Alicia tries to steady her shaking voice. “Zach, I think you might be confusing our friendship for something else.”

At that Zach _does_ look at her, and she is startled to see how old he actually looks to her at that moment. She has a vague, uneasy sense that she has suddenly become the child and he is the parent. His voice is as kind as his expression. “Yeah, I probably am.”

“I’ve got some work . . .” Alicia backs out of Zach’s room slowly, her mind in shambles.

 

**§§§**

_Robert writes ZACH on the board. “What do the rest of you think?”_

_Leonard answers first. “It actually isn’t bad, but I still can’t picture Zach going there with his mother. The whole thing is just too awkward for both of them.”_

_"Ok. So what do you have for us?”_

_Leonard pauses. “Well, Will. He’s the obvious person to talk to Alicia. He knows Kalinda better than just about anyone on the show, and he’s still in love with Alicia. Having it come from him would be pretty powerful. There’s the whole romance angle there, with Will offering Alicia the happiness that he’s not able to give her himself.” He stops, dazzled by the sheer poignancy of the picture that he’s painting._

_Robert nods. Will_ is _obvious, but that’s actually a strike against him. Robert generally likes to avoid the obvious._

_"We might even use flashbacks to show the viewers something about their relationship at Georgetown,” Leonard continues._

_Everyone groans just as loudly as they had at Meredith’s suggestion of Zach; Ted even throws a few Skittles. Leonard had been a_ Lost _staff writer for a couple of seasons, and he always wants to stuff flashbacks into_ The Good Wife _everywhere he can._

 _“O-_ kay _. Never mind how much the fans would love those flashbacks! Whatever.” Leonard is a little bitter at the brush off. He really loves the idea of Alicia and Will at Georgetown, which he sees as so much better and simpler than Alicia and Will in Chicago. But Robert never wants to go there, so all he has is the occasional bit of_[ _Willicia fan fic_](140069) _that he sometimes can’t help but glance at despite the rules against it._

_He sighs now. “But even without flashbacks, it would just be awesome to have Will finally say something directly to Alicia about her relationship with Kalinda, after hanging back from it for so long. I mean, it was big when we got him to give Alicia Kalinda’s tax case to get the two of them to start talking more, but this would be even better . . .”_

 

**§§§**

It is close to midnight as Alicia is leaving her office, and she sees only one other office light still glowing: Will’s, of course. She wonders if he ever goes home these days. Alicia pokes her head in as she passes.

He looks up from his desk just in time to catch her eye. “Hey! You’re here late.”

Alicia smiles. “You, too.”

He motions to her to come in. “Do you have time for a drink?”

Alicia hesitates. The kids are with Peter, after all. “Why not?”

“Scotch all right?”

“Sure.” Alicia actually isn’t crazy about scotch, but she knows that it’s Will’s favorite. 

“I know you’re into tequila these days,” Will grins as he hands her the drink.

“No, not really. I mean, I drink it sometimes, but I drink wine more than anything else.” Alicia feels that she’s babbling a little, and she wonders to herself why she sounds overly defensive about the tequila.

Will lets it go and sips his own drink. “You’ve been doing a great job on the Breland case. Diane has been noticing too.”

“Thanks. Kalinda really came through on that one. If she hadn’t gotten that money shot, things would be looking a lot different for us right now.”

“Yeah, that was great. But if there’s one thing that I know, it’s that Kalinda is going to come through for your cases. That’s why we give you the hard ones,” Will chuckles at that.

Alicia looks at him. “ _My_ cases?”

“Alicia. Come on.” 

Alicia suddenly feels like that dream where she’s taking an exam on a fifth course that she forgot she had signed up for. “Come on _what_?”

“Kalinda would do anything to help you. Anything. And it’s more than that . . .” Will takes another sip of his drink.

Alicia stares at him. She has forgotten her own drink, forgotten everything else in the universe except the sound of Will’s voice. “More than . . .” Her voice comes out almost in a whisper.

Will does not really know whether or not he should continue. He has always felt uncertain about how directly he can discuss Alicia and Kalinda’s relationship with either one of them. Leaving this one alone, not saying anything more, would be the smart thing to do.

But Will doesn’t always do the smart thing. He loves Alicia, and he cares more about Kalinda than she probably realizes. Somehow, all of that love and caring makes him decide to go on with this conversation that he probably never should have started in the first place. ( _If you love something, set it free_. Will snorts to himself at the idiotic Hallmark sentiment that floats into his mind at this moment.)

“Alicia . . . Kalinda’s in love with you. I think she’s been in love with you almost from the beginning. She’s just really, really good at hiding it.” He takes another swig of his scotch and looks at Alicia directly to gauge her expression. She looks shell-shocked, but beneath that he sees something else, something that makes his heart sink just a little bit, even though he wants her to be happy, even though he’s sure he just did the right thing in telling her about Kalinda. The things set free don’t always come back, he thinks, and takes another sip of his scotch to dull the pain that he thought he had gotten over long ago. 

 

**§§§**

_Robert writes WILL on the white board and tries not to sigh out loud. None of these ideas feels exactly right, and he is frustrated. Michelle is probably the only one in the room who truly understands how much these characters mean to him. He adores them all, Will and Diane, Cary and Peter, but Alicia and Kalinda above all of the others. Most of the time he thinks he has the greatest job in the world because he gets to spend so much time with these wonderful creations of his, but even that isn’t enough sometimes. He thinks wistfully of a_[ _wonderful fanfic_](462556) _that he’d been enthralled with over the past summer (and is that woman ever going to finish it?). Doesn’t anyone realize that he’d love to be able to stick Alicia and Kalinda in a summer house for weeks and just listen to them talk to each other? It wouldn’t work on television, of course; it’s too static a thing even for the most languidly paced cable drama, but he liked imagining it nonetheless. The one rule of television writing that really can never be broken is that everything must always be in flux, and that’s not really a problem for him—he loves flux. Michelle has accused him of taking it a little too far, even: Alicia is the personification of flux. But doesn't anyone realize that he too wants Alicia and Kalinda to be happy in the end? Sometimes he hates the fanfic writers, who have the luxury of being able to present their completed stories all in one gulp, instead of having to play them out over several years. He wouldn’t cut a single one of the steps of Alicia and Kalinda’s long journey even if he could, but oh, it would be nice if he had the whole story in the can already, if he didn’t have to wait until the end of the series to see what the two of them look like_ happy _. Dammit. He allows himself a split second of intense self-pity before beginning to feel faintly ridiculous. At least he knows how it’s all going to turn out, which puts him in a vastly preferable position to that of the fans, who are still worrying that Alicia will never divorce Peter and that Kalinda will wind up with Cary!_

_He speaks now. “Ok, we’re not there yet. Let’s order some dinner and try again. We’ve got to get this one right.”_

 

**§§§**

Characters are the children of their creators, but they also are more than that. Because what Robert does not realize, what none of them can see, is that Alicia knows; Alicia has known for a long, long time. She suspects it when she learns that Kalinda had found Grace without telling her about it. She is fairly certain when she hears Kalinda promise to be honest with her if they try again at friendship, a thing that Kalinda by rights would never promise to anyone. And she knows it for a fact every time she sees Kalinda’s expressions at the bar, or hears Kalinda’s voice catch a little on the phone. She knows, but she does not know what to do with what she knows. That will come in time. For now, all she can do is wait.

 


End file.
